Glowing... in a good way

The last couple of weeks have been tough, with the impending move, work stresses and a sinking feeling I couldn't shake; the loneliness took its hold and I was on a big low. That was, until Saturday.

I am at my happiest when I am around my friends - I can be myself, I can tell them anything without rose-tinting it. I love nothing more than playing the hostess, and so it was time for one final party at the flat. We've had many happy times here - various birthday parties, murder mysteries and sleep overs - the happy memories were not just mine, but those of my friends too. I cooked an awesome meal, the drinks were flowing and the play list had us all singing. The joy of being a depressive means that even happy times make you want to cry. I looked around the room, knowing that each and every one of the people there had gone through a tough time at some point, but now they were here with me to mark the end of an era.

Later that night, 6 of us (all girls) decided to hit a club in town. It was fairly empty when we got there, but we didn't care, it was only a matter of time before it got busy. We waited for our moment to hit the dance floor, and when we did, it was hard to get us off it. There was a couple of guys on the dance floor , one of which was noticeably beautiful, well dressed, confident and left me wanting more... but the night progressed and me and the girls were having fun. I couldn't help but notice that they kept coming back to dance next to us, and I know my friend was eyeing them too.

To cut a long story short, I somehow ended up kissing this beautiful man. He held my face and it was passionate and it gives me butterflies just thinking about it. His fingers were wrapped around mine, dancing with me until the lights came on. All I could think was how is this happening, he is just too gorgeous to even look at me. I'd never kissed a complete stranger, let alone be kissed like that. His friend had disappeared, and before I knew it we were in a cab back to mine. I was completely out of my comfort zone, I couldn't believe what was happening. There was no time to think about this though, or how much weight I'd put on, or that I hadn't slept with anyone in almost a year.

I'd never had a one-night stand (at least, not with a complete stranger) so I wasn't even sure what the etiquette was, if there was one. As soon as we were through the door, he kissed me again, words cannot even begin to describe...

The morning came too soon. Even in his sleep he was passionate - finding me when he realised he wasn't wrapped around me. Waking up with him felt like it had happened before, him still being as passionate and considerate as the first moment when he kissed me. And then he was gone.

For the first 24 hours it was easy - I was glowing, and happy, and on a legal high. But waking up today with his musky scent still on my pillow but him not there made me realise I had perhaps been a little foolish. I mean, it was amazing, he was beautiful and I've never know passion like it, but there is a reason I haven't had a one night stand before the age of 26.

Rightly or wrongly I found him on face book. It was impossible to forget his name and I needed closure... or something else. I didn't want to seem like some crazed woman, or to seem needy, I just needed to know if he'd had as good a time as I had. Surely nobody could be that passionate unless they really wanted someone? I kept it simple.

Hey Robin, I had a really good time at the weekend. Let me know if you want to go for a drink sometime. Bridget.x

So there you have it. I broke one of my own rules, and you know what? It kind of felt good. One night stands are most certainly a taboo - with many seeing the act as inappropriate, dirty, and even wrong. I did it because it felt right, and regardless of what anyone thinks, i don't regret it.