Surround yourself with good people

Its been a month since my last blog. For the first time ever there are things that I cant even write about. I've cried more in the last month than I have in the entire time since I beat the depression. Its been a really tough few weeks, I've been at my wits end, I've been in shock, and I've had sleepless nights. I've worried about things, and bordered on being paranoid. But, the depression hasn't come back; I couldn't let it.

It is a week till Christmas, and I feel good. Surrounding yourself with good people, remembering to enjoy yourself, and leaving work at the office were the things I had to learn to survive depression, and I've been conscious to do all these things. I've had some brilliant times too over the last few weeks, and as always, i have realised how important my friends and family are. I'm excited to be spending lots of time with the people I love over the next few weeks - my family, my friends, and of course, Rob...

We've been together over 3 months; the honeymoon is definitely over, but I am fine with it. Its nice to be in a normal relationship where things just happen. The pressure seems to be gone, and we're planning ahead. He is brilliant with my family and friends, and we'll be spending time at each others parents houses over the festive period. I guess this is the final big test - time with each others families, and a trip to see my university friends. If we can survive those, then we can survive anything.

We're having "our" Christmas on Wednesday. I'm nervous: what if he doesn't like the presents I got him? What if I haven't spent enough/too much? What if I've got it fundamentally wrong? I know he wouldn't say anything even if I did get it wrong - he is sweet like that.

I know you are probably wondering if we're in love yet. The honest answer is I don't know. He hasn't said he loves me yet, I don't think he is ready to. I've nearly said it several times but managed to stop myself - i can't be the first to say it. I've made that mistake before and I've completely misread the relationship and been hurt. There is no hurry, and he'll say it, when and if he is ready.

I'm excited about the week ahead - lots of christmassy fun times and being continuously surrounded by great people. More importantly, I'm excited about 2012. I think it might just be my year.