The better side of me

I woke up this morning deeply ashamed by the way I felt last night. The first thing I wanted to do was delete my post from yesterday, but I know its important for the other depressives that read this blog to know they are not alone.



Today I feel fine. My head hurts from the excessive crying and my chest hurts from being sick, but mentally I feel okay. I know it was just a blip. Sometimes all the emotions that I try to cover up and put a brave face on just need to escape, and today I feel like a weight has been lifted.



Depression, like suicide, is a selfish condition - when you hit rock bottom it feels like nobody cares and that you are alone, that your problems are 10 times worse than they actually are. Rationalism is not a word to describe or understand how you feel.



Today I have spent some time reflecting, and I am about to put on my face and show the world I feel fine again. I'm going to dye my hair and use some bronzing wipes, paint my nails and wear a tiny black dress, and hit the tiles with my friends. It sounds like I am trying to cover up who I am, but actually, it more of a reinvention, a fresh start. I want people to see the real Bridget, the positive, ambitious, happy, funny and loving person, not this depressive that comes out every now and then. I want people to see the better side of me.