one year on...

Wow, I can't believe its been over a year. So much has happened and I feel like I need to do an update blog just to bring you up to speed on my life.

Life is bloody good - I mean, its tough, and tiring, but I get through each day - i haven't had a break down since the last time i posted 11 months ago. I am blessed to be surrounded by wonderful people and thanks to them, i am able to survive.

I got a promotion at work, moved house (again), finally seem to be getting somewhere with my finances, and most importantly, I BEAT THE DEPRESSION! Life is more stressful than it has ever been, but I can cope, and it's amazing. I wish I could give the secret to all those i know suffer in the ways that i did, but i can't.

What I can tell you is to take risks, do things that challenge you. Never say no when a friend asks you for a drink or if they can pop round. Live in a place you can call home - make it pretty and fill it with friends and laughter, never darkness. Remember you are only human. Learn to say no. Leave your work at the office and don't let a job consume your life. Ever. No matter how much you love your job or how much pressure there is on you.

My final hurdle that I still need to jump is my confidence. Professionally (thanks to my promotion, my amazing colleagues and facing my fears) I am really confident. Every day challenges me but I know I am can do anything if i really put my mind to it. But my personal confidence, goes up and down a lot, and today is one of those self-esteem lows, and the inspiration behind this blog. So i guess that leads on to the juicy bit... men!

So Peter is still in my life, but not as my lover, as my next-door neighbour. The affair ended, we had considerable breathing space- even after i moved next door. We see each other occasionally, and we are now friends. I like it better that way.

I spent 8 months as a singleton again, and it was lovely. I didn't feel the need to be in a relationship, i didn't have a constant craving for intimacy, and I didn't miss the sex. I turned 27 and it wasn't painful. I spent lots and lots of time with my friends and feel closer to them now than i've ever done.

The last 2 months on the other hand have been, well, interesting. I met Mr Perfect at a wedding. He was mature, funny, settled, loving, passionate, caring... he was everything i could ever want, but there was no chemistry - not on my side anyway. I tried, I really tried, but if its not there, then you are only going to end up hurting him right? So I stopped it before it even really got started. It was horrible - he was so upset. But i know that i did the right thing.

I wish I had been blogging for the last 10 days, it may have stopped me stressing so much. There is this guy at work, he works in a different part of the company, so i don't see him that often, but I have fancied him FOREVER. And life got exciting again a couple of weeks ago... but i think i'll save him for my next post.... its good to be back!