the final word

I'm starting this blog because I turned 25 last week. "Just a number" I hear you say. Wrong. I have a feeling that this year is going to be a pretty significant year, and I want to remember every last bit of it.

I have hopes, dreams and ambitions for things I want to achieve. From the world of online-dating to my career, from my finances to dealing with my quarter century crisis, it is all going to be logged just here.

But for now, I want to share something with you. I was dumped last week. I've never been dumped before. And boy does it hurt. And the funniest thing is, that the URL for this blog used to be his. I quite like the "cupid substitute" title, and I know this is kind of stealing his idea, but so what - he dumped me. I guess the only risk is that he, or one of his friends, may see this. I guess i'll cross that bridge when I come to it...

So, why did he dump me? Good bloody question - me and my friends have been wondering the same thing. The only way I can explain is by showing you the last e-mail I ever sent to him. Enjoy the read.

Hey Chris,*

Thanks for responding, I was wondering whether you would or not.

I guess the reason why I want to see you is two fold: firstly to see if there was anything left of our relationship (even at friend level) and secondly to get some answers, even closure.

If I'm totally honest, I'm still completely shocked by what happened. I don't understand how you can go from telling someone you love them and sleeping in the same bed as them and meeting their family to just being the complete opposite in the space of 48 hours and ending it.

I think we had a tough couple of weeks in which you were away for one and then we spent too much time together, which I think ultimately led to what happened - but I think you were maybe too quick in that decision - do you not remember our day out in London at the art galleries or the walk along the river in "nice place"* or any of the other amazing things that led to you telling me you loved me?

Is there not part of you that thinks you have made a sudden decision that you might (possibly) regret? When you finished it you said you still thought I was awesome and that was why you would love to meet for a drink – I had hoped that you meant this to, but maybe not.

I know that none of this is going to bring us back together, and I know I sound like one of this irritating, irrational women, but I was beginning to fall for you and you have really hurt me. Seeing you back on "dating website"* was like being hit by a bus – not because you were back on there but the fact you didn't even wait a week before going back to it- I guess it just showed me that perhaps you never actually cared for me and that the 4 months we had were actually meaningless, and that really does hurt.

I know that none of this is doing either of us any good, so I am going to stop there – but I just needed to tell you how I felt.

I'd love it if you took the time to clarify any of this, or maybe even meet me for that drink.

Glad to hear you are better, and good luck on "dating website"*. I hope you find what your looking for.

B


* Sorry guys - names not included...