the credit crunch

yes - its apparently effecting everyone. However, my situation is not due to increased taxes, bad pay and utility bills. Oh no. Its because I am always too scared to look at my account but continue to shop, along with a boyfriend (now ex) that likes good wine and good food, that I indulged at every opportunity.

So, last Thursday, I go to get some cash out for my daily visit to the bagel man. I'm with a colleague Rob* and we're chatting away at the cash point. And for the first time in my life, the machine says "No cash available. Please contact your bank". So I tell everyone the machines broken and go to use the next machine. That says the same thing too. Panic overcomes me that I am officially broke. Fuck.

Rob shouts me lunch and 20 Marlboro lights to calm me down. He convinces me its just a hiccup. But then I think. The new suit I bought. The hectic 25th birthday weekend. The Ex. Its all adding up to big minus numbers.

The killer punch was the night in London. You see Chris had bought me my dream date for my birthday. A night in London, with a nice meal and two tickets to the Lion King. The date I have always wanted - for over 6 years I have dreamt of being whisked of my feet and Chris was the man to do it. Until he split up with me. He said I should just give him a token amount. After him saying that I had to write him a cheque for the full amount, and asked my big sis to come instead. £100 later I still managed to enjoy the night - my sis made it as special as she could, but it was never going to live up to the fantasy that I had dreamed of for the last 6 years.

Back in the office I log onto my Internet account. -£1650. Fuck. My limit is -£1700 and its 10 days til payday. And my car payment goes out on the 23rd, and that's £150. So I extend my overdraft, the max I am allowed is £1800, only an extra £100. Damn. So I go to my student account/overdraft, which I have desperately been trying to pay off. I get £100 transferred from here. I know my house mate will shout me too, and there's about £50 left on my credit card.

You think i am crazy huh? Yes. i have lived in minus numbers since I was 18. Its just the way it has always been. But little by little, I am paying it off.

I promise myself I have to be strict. No more going out unless its a special occasion. I really need to quit the fags. I have to stop shopping (unless its a gift voucher or Xmas shopping for others).

The funniest thing is my mother is exactly the same. She phoned me yesterday to say she went Christmas shopping and spent silly money on Xmas. You know where I get it from.

So, broke and single, I wonder what challenges this week will bring.