It took 48 hours for it to really kick in. Lying in the bath surrounded by bubbles, listening to Damien Rice. I hadn't listen to that album properly since the last time I made the biggest mistake of my life.
It was the day before I left the only place I have ever felt truly at home, and I left the only guy I think I have ever really loved. We spent the evening together, sang to music, looked at 3 years worth of photo's, laughed, and cried. God we cried. Leaving him that night was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. It is one of the only regrets I have ever had, leaving him. We weren't even together, never have been, and probably never will be. But I loved him then, and still do now. We listened to Damien Rice that night. I haven't been able to do it since, that was, until tonight.
After nearly four weeks of having little or no time with Nathan, I made the decision to end it. I couldn't carry on with a relationship that was making me so unhappy. Don't get me wrong. He was a great guy. We had lots in common, he made me laugh, when we were together it was perfect. But the problem was, I was turning into a nagging monster. He was just so busy all the time and spending 4hrs and 1 night with someone in 4 weeks is not a relationship. I spent half of my time missing him and the other half practically begging him to spend some time with me. I didn't like the person I was becoming and I didn't like the way it was making me feel.
He says that he's going to change, make more time for me, sort out his work/life balance. I'm praying he does. I really liked him. He really liked me. Its crazy that we aren't together. But I have to get my sanity back, and he has to find just a little time for me. I have a feeling that ending it was a big mistake, because maybe he'll decide its easier with out me. I just have to hope that he remembers how amazing we are when we're together.
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